have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize