Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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