I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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