I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
