hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize