you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
