obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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