Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
