Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish you could order shots online.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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