Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
