Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My dick has a subreddit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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