Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
