you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
