Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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