I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
