after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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