You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
