and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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