Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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