I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
