He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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