I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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