my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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