I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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