She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
