new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
