she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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