He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my being single is dangerous.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
