Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
