They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
