people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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