every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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