I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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