I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
