a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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