I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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