Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
