he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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