so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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