Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
