you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So many bounce houses so little time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
