I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is Oprah even human
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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