what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
