I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
