Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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