I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
