Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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