this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
