The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
