I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
