i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I touched a dick in church today
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
