Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
