Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize