I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
