marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
