I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
