I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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