i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize