I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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