you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
