Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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