Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
