I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it glows. i had to have it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
