I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
