Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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