I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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