i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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