my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
