I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
