Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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