Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
