Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need water and some morals
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
