I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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