you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
