there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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