Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
