Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
