I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
