I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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